The fairytale is over.
The romance that you thought would last forever has petered out, or worse, been poisoned by malice. You no longer experience joy with your partner.
Yet you’re married. Is it time to get a divorce? The answer really depends. Before you make any permanent decisions, think about every aspect of your relationship.
How Long Have You Been Experiencing Problems?
There were moments of bliss with your spouse or you never would have married them. Now that you’re struggling, do you still have those moments? If not, it’s not a good sign.
No relationship on earth is perfect. A temporary rough patch is common. Be careful you’re not throwing in the towel too quickly. If your problems started recently, there may still be a solution.
However, if things have been going on for a long time with no sign of improvement, you might start seriously thinking about getting a divorce.
When you talk about your problems, give your spouse a reasonable timeline to make changes if you want to keep the relationship together.
Speak to a Lawyer
Before you take the next step, speak to an attorney. A divorce can tear apart your finances if you don’t protect yourself.
“Ending your marriage can be an intense, long-lasting emotional strain, even in the best of circumstances. You might be struggling with depression, feelings of isolation, anxiety, and frustration. On top of the emotional toll, a divorce requires you to restructure your life and your finances,” writes Raleigh family law firm Marshall & Taylor.
“The decisions you make during a divorce will have consequences for your future and will impact any children you might have. It’s true, going through a divorce can be an absolutely overwhelming experience, but it doesn’t have to be.”
A good lawyer will take care of the snags in the process. You can focus on healing and rebuilding your life rather than the court battle.
Your lawyer can also help you out if you’re only considering a divorce. People sometimes make mistakes because they don’t know how the court will view their actions. For example, it’s not a good idea to drain the joint bank account or run away with the children.
Get Support
Your spouse is usually your primary support system. When that fails, it’s time to look somewhere else. You can find the support you need with friends, with family, at your therapist’s office. It doesn’t matter. The point is that you discuss your feelings with someone who cares about your interests.
An outsider will never be able to understand the intricacies of your marriage. Your friends can’t tell you if it’s time to divorce. But they can act as a sounding board when you need to think.
If everyone in your life has the same opinion about your spouse, take note. Some things you can ignore. If people don’t understand your spouse’s culture or political views, that’s not a cause for concern. But if all of your friends think that your partner is abusing you, it’s worth your time to figure out why.
Be Practical
There are a lot of boring, nitty-gritty details that need to be settled if you get a divorce. Where are you going to live? What will happen to the kids? It’s going to be hard, but you need to look at the situation as objectively as possible.
Life-changing decisions need to be based on reason rather emotion. Your family will have to live with the consequences for a long time.
Going through a divorce is often painful. There’s no way to avoid this. You can, however, try to avoid making your life worse than it needs to be. Don’t give in to the temptation to act out of pettiness or spite.
Connect
Talk to your spouse. Even if you’ve decided that you 100 percent need to leave the relationship, have a heart to heart conversation first. You may able to take some of the venoms out of your parting.
In some cases, you can also save the relationship. You or your spouse may have simply needed a wake-up call to get in gear. Change is hard but it’s not impossible. You can absolutely get rid of unwanted bad habits if you try hard enough.
The decision to file for divorce is almost never easy. When you’re in that situation, it can feel as though your life is over.
It’s not. You can create a new life for yourself without your spouse.