Couples who remain married stay committed regardless of the circumstances of life. So many cupid-struck couples fall into a state of bliss without a thought of coming down from their emotional high. However, as their relationship accumulates time, baggage can tend to bury their ecstasy. Couples in crisis have not lost their love, it just takes time and effort to uncover it to rekindle the sensations that sparked their commitment.
3 major causes of challenges to a marriage are calculators, catastrophes, and canisters.
A marriage relationship requires attention to the details of everyone’s life within their immediate family. The home needs a budget, a cleaning schedule and maintenance. Children need meals, have new clothes and help with homework. Grandparents require errands run, health observed, and a need to see their grand-babies. Careers constrain time away, compel more education, and place stress on our well-being.
When spouses begin to feel as though they are handling more of the weight of these responsibilities than the other, they pull out their calculator to assess their worth to the relationship and how the other needs to enhance their involvement. The problem with this is whoever is holding the calculator controls the view of the balance sheet. And the value of a person is incalculable, especially regarding your spouse.
Trying times generally are not foreseen. From the loss of a loved one to the unexpected layoff, these circumstances can shake people to their core. Often these events provoke people to look for a scapegoat to transfer their feelings of guilt and inadequacies. Spouses blame the other for not allowing the other to spend more time by a sick-bed or maybe if they did not have to deal with a family they could have put in more time towards the success of their career.
The epiphany is that life has its challenges regardless of our social economic status, or even our marital status. Instead of attacking our spouse, we should appreciate their presence through the catastrophe no matter how minimal it seems.
A third and most detrimental challenge spouses can have in their marriage is a canister. Canisters contain secrets. A marriage relationship should have an atmosphere of transparency and accountability. This is totally in the will of the spouse to share intimate pressures and desires with their spouse. So many unfortunately place email addresses, cell phones, bank accounts, certain friends, and so many other things into canisters they refuse to share with their spouse.
These canisters need exposure in order for healing in a broken marriage. Your spouse needs to know your inner battles in order to empathize with assistance. Remember, you both committed for better and worse until death. No matter the pain of these illuminations, these canisters most be opened to destroy the power of quarantined battle.
A marriage that lasts has an understanding that both flawed people commit to a life of understanding and dedication in spite of what life throws their way.
This is not easy to navigate through alone. It is also important for you to know that we work under the assumption that, if you return for counseling after the initial consultation, we assume that the agenda is to save the relationship and will work with you toward that end.
Jodi Mitchell is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Fresno, California. She has a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology and a background in Recreation Therapy. Visit her website at www.jodimitchellmft.com.